Sometimes I wish you saw yourself the way I see you: beautiful, clean, immaculate… when all your insecurities scream the tantalization of your doubts and fears and societal disillusions.
In my eyes,
You are perfection, please believe me.
The way that you’ve trusted and pinned your heart proudly on your sleeve for the world to observe, understanding the vulnerability associated with such actions, just to show the world that kindness and compassion exist, the poetry that flows through your veins.
You are perfection.
The way you smile and evoke inspiration and colours to an otherwise dull world. You bring life to my bones.
You are perfection.
The way that you grace the world with your unending love and put others before yourself in a cruel and selfish world,
You are perfection.
And what’s more: you have absolutely no idea.
Follow your heart.
So that means that wherever you go, I go if time permits. If you move to Africa, I’m searching the safari and finding a home. If you move to NY, I’ll explore the city that never sleeps. If you go to Jamaica, I’ll be homeless on the beach if need be… And even if I can’t be with you at all times, know that you are taking my heart with you, and sooner or later, inevitably, we will reunite.
Worry not, love. I am always with you.
There are things in my heart that I will never fully be able to express to you, and there will just be no way to explain what you mean to me. All I know is that in the end, when all is said and done, no matter how hard it will be, or how painful these circumstances will be, the situation in my mind will remain clear: Your happiness is and will always come first. That, with your well-being. As long as you have those two things, no matter how tightly gritted my teeth are, how matter how much it will break my heart, and no matter how far we may be apart, I’ll find a way to be okay with it all.
Truth is:
I love you more than anything or anyone I’ve ever loved in my life. And I can’t help myself.
I have a very very verrrrrryyyy close knit circle of people whom I refer to as my “best friends,”
and one of them never likes anything I write on here,
and another doesn’t follow me. lolololol
If I had to be honest with myself,
I think of you all hours of the day, and I can’t get you off my mind. Not that I want to. You’ve filled every last thought and you’re a constant distraction. I love you. I make plans for the future and I can’t wait to be bound to you for life. I think of the way that the light will hit your eyes and make them shine brighter than they already do. I love you. I think of the ways that we’ll spend the holidays, cuddled and probably reading and enjoying the silence, being in eachothers’ arms and just basking in it. I love you. Countless winters will be spent bundled up in eachother, and countless summers skinny dipping in the ocean. I love you. I think of what it will be like to finally get to meet the friends and the kids, and I wonder what they’ll say. Magical nights lying under the stars and fiery, sticky days in the sun. I love you. Little discretions and huge mountainous moves, I love you.
And I can’t wait to see you.
Truth is,
I love picking your brain. I don’t care much about what other people think or what they say, but when it comes to you… Oh, when it comes to you... I want to discuss the smallest details of your interests. It can be anything as small as what is your favorite color? Who’s your favorite basketball team? Favorite movie?… to things that will require deeper apprehension and thought, drawn out answers to questions like what your childhood was like, what is your fondest memory, and your deepest secrets? I want to know. I want to know what you think about me, my past which has molded me into who I am today, and plans for our future. I want to hear about what you want to conquer and achieve together. I want to know what you think.
With you, I can talk about everything and nothing, and still every word that leaves your lips will cause me to sit on the edge of my seat, ears perked and absorbing every morsel of your response.
Because I care, and I always will care about what you say.
I can’t wait to watch you in your daily life, to live each one out fully with you. I can’t wait to watch you do what you love to do, observe you in your element. I can’t wait to watch you as you paint your thoughts to paper, focused and distraction-free, your careful pen strokes etching the pages, your flustered scribbles. I can’t wait to slowly meld my life with yours, making a little room here and there so that they can fit perfectly within eachother. I can’t wait for the little sacrifices along the way to make a difference in the end. I can’t wait to sleep with you, just to share the same bed, and fall asleep in eachothers’ arms. I can’t wait to fight for the blankets, and on some nights let you win. We don’t even have to do anything sexual. That can wait. I can’t wait to watch the rise and fall of your chest as you intake the air that you so freely breathe, your muscles as they tighten and relax. There’s a beautiful gracefulness to it. I can’t wait to watch as the sun awakens in the earliest of dawns, creeping into our windows, highlighting the love of my life as it makes its way over, kissing your face. I can’t wait to fall in love with our first house together, and to make it a home. I can’t wait to see your face as we surprise eachother with little things along the way, our journeys and adventures that are pretty much inevitable with your personality mixed with a bit of mine. I can’t wait to grow old, get all wrinkly and gravity-worn, retelling our stories to the little ones, and our littles ones’ little ones. I can’t wait to create memories, especially the happy ones. I can’t wait to be able to look back and smile and laugh at the petty little things we might have gotten mad at between now and then. I can’t wait to explore the world with you, and to have picnics and museum days. I can’t wait to create stacks and stacks of picture books, albums, and scrapbooks. I can’t wait to witness our babies’ first steps, their first words to their graduation. I can’t wait to be a sports-mom. I know we both are in love with the beach, so I can’t wait for late nights spent there, with the wind in our hair and the waves at our feet. I can’t wait for spontaneous skinny dipping. I can’t wait to go to basketball games and football games and almost anywhere else with you. I can’t wait to play fight and win. I can’t wait to spend a lifetime loving my best friend.
I just can’t wait to be spend the rest of eternity with you.
Truth is,
I miss seeing your anonymous letters to me and knowing almost instantaneously that it was from you. To know that you were thinking of me right that a second ceased to fail at bringing butterflies to my stomach and a quickening of my heart rate. You have an effect on me, and I miss when you put it on.
I already know I’ll relish in the moment we begin to hold hands, steal kisses and quick glances. I already know that I’ll come down with a severe case of dragonfly guts when I see you. I know I’ll have an uncontrollable grin on my face, looking like a cartoon of some sort. I know I’ll be a complete loon when I see you,
and I know I won’t ever want to let you out of my sight again.
But I know I’ll have to, and it’ll hurt like hell.
Me: I don't see how he's whipped.
S, his best friend: He is different lol. If he don't argue with a person he must really care. To care about what someone thinks is just not him but he cares about why you think of him. As soon as a chick say he cute he say I got a girl lol. He just writes and draws u alotttt. He is smitten.
I’ve definitely learned a lot being with you. I’ve learned how to be patient and kind, to be unbiased and to think with a clear mind. I’ve learned how to wait properly, and that love can truly conquer all. It has also taught me that good things will always be worth waiting for. It’s taught me not to be jealous, or at least to control my inner green-eyed monster better. It’s taught me not to get too riled up with others see the good in you, the way that I do. It’s pretty clear and simple, and I should appreciate that others can compliment you and see the beauty in your soul. I’ve grown in my own personal life in being with you, and this prize has given me gifts that keep giving. I’ve learned a lot in being with you.
And I’ve become a better person.
I couldn’t sleep last night. I was busy waiting for today like it was Christmas or something. Still waiting on my present though ;)
