everything relates right back to you? 

I guess it’s true what they say: 

You’ll find what you’re looking for. 

If you’re all that’s on my mind, 

You’re all I’ll ever receive or get 

even in dealings with the devil

and other thoughts.

The other day when she said we were, I didn’t really realize until now.
We’ve always been this way.
We’re like, telepathic or something. Do you think it’s because we’re always thinking of eachother? Do you believe in that kind of thing? Telepathy?

We were definitely having this talk the other day and it just so seems that ring or not, guys (or, people, really) don’t giving a flying fawwwwk as to whether or not you’re involved with someone. I’ll be wearing a ring on my ring finger in hopes of kind of driving them away. Don’t you check hands when you walk up to a woman? But some guys just don’t care at all. They don’t give a rat’s asssssss ass ass ass ass.
-_-

Like, my dude, get the f*ck out. What do you think you’re doing with all of this?? You’re not getting anywhere.
I spoke to a colleague of mine about it, talking about how she does the same. She’s not interested in being pursued… So she wears a flashy ring on that finger… And all of a sudden it’s “what? Girrrrl, we can’t be friends?”

A fellow male associate admitted that he hates when girls wear ring on her special finger…

If I were looking for a friend, sir, chances are I would have approached you. Seeing as I didn’t, please correctly assume that I’m not looking for anything.

/endrant

But there are a handful of other things I think I might be good at too. 

Like, 

technology, building/testing apps, programs management, and 

Fucking,

Sleeping, 

and 

Eating. 

Can I get paid for all of those professionsssssss? 

K!!!!!!!

You come up at the most peculiar times. My best friend says that people are told: if you can’t help but to think about someone at least once a day, you should not give up on that person.

Well. I’m thinking about you at least once every hour, so I guess I should grab you and never let you go?

You cross my mind as if it were an abandoned train track in the middle of nowhere, while it seems forgotten, you laden its path with your footsteps, like soft kisses, creating imprints along the empty canvas. You treat every day like a brand new Christmas morning, showering me with gifts, not of monetary value, but definite blessings: your time, smiles, and thoughts. You treat me like the highest royalty and you love me for me. I’d be a fool to settle for anything less. 

Everything reminds me of you. My mind slaves over you. 

I’ve never had anyone in my vicinity take the time out of their day to really find any way that they could to spend time with me or to talk to me. I’ve never had classmates or study buddies be so inclined to ask anything personal. I’ve never had someone carve out time just to see me or check on me, taking a longer time to get here than to actually speak. And I’ve never had someone pray so hard even for someone they couldn’t be with. 

This is different. 

Doubt is useful, it keeps faith a living thing. After all, you never know the strength of your faith until it’s being tested.

And it’s sad that no matter how hard I wish for it, no matter how hard I twist my fingers to intertwine, no matter how scrunched my eyes get, no matter how hard I wish and dream and pray, 

you’re still not the one who’s here for me to share things with. You’re still not the one who’s first to ask me what’s wrong, or how my day was, or what went on, and you’re still not willing to give it a fair shot. 

And that bothers me. 

I want something special.
I will marry my best friend, and we will have something wonderful and beautiful. Sometimes it will be spontaneous, but not in the matters of our starting a family. It will be wild and fun, but our marriage will be based on a strong foundation, not a whim. Moving in will be a grand gesture, not because “hell we spend every waking moment together anyway….”
I want something special, and I won’t settle for less.

that maybe I’m not good at anything. I’m not good at anything but loving, and, I think I’d be a great mother. But the thing is, I’m not ready for that right now. What if I never get to be a good mother? What if I never get a chance at that because I’m not going to get settled at all, and I never get to be established, or ready to take care of myself let alone a child, or a few children? 

What if? 

What if I’m not cut out for this? 

I don’t know what to think anymore. I’ve been trying to shut out my emotions and the buzz of stress. My mind is driving me crazy. I can’t wait to go to the beach today, I don’t care what time we go, I just need the wind in my face, and hear the rush of waves. I need the salty air to infiltrate my nostrils and tussle my hair.
I can’t wait.

Raw flesh.
Aching strings. The same that pull on my cardiac vestibule… The ones that play the sad melody my mind has on repeat.
Raw.
Raw like nothing else has touched it.
Sacred, almost.
Something that our relationship no longer is.
Because you shared something exclusive to us… With someone else.

In this time that we don’t talk, I’ll just pretend that you’re back in Jamaica, taking care of business, the way that you were before. I’m still strangely in love with you. It’s absurd. Those unwritten dreams will be loads better than dealing with the reality of things, that you are falling for another. 

I was never any good at keeping you around. I guess I never deserved you. I knew you were amazing all around, and with you I was always found. Though I was lost at most other times, you adorned me with your love, wit, and rhymes. You’ll always have my heart, it’s true, and everything I’ll write, as it always was, will be about

you.