I don’t like getting attached to people anymore because I get so used to people disappointing me, I’m used to people coming and leaving as they please, and coming again when they need to drain me of favors. I’m used to getting hurt.
Now people are telling me that I’m different.
At first, I’d be surprised and flattered, because in my mind, I’m different because I’m set apart from others. But they mean that I’m different from myself… I’m different because I’m not as friendly or I don’t talk as much anymore. I take things the wrong way, or I just don’t respond.
But the truth is, I learned my worth. I’m different because I stopped making myself vulnerable and putting myself in positions where I knew I’d get hurt. I stopped taking myself for granted and leveled my standards into something that I know I deserve. I’m never allowing myself to settle for anything less. And I started loving myself more.
I think I finally grew up.
I wish I was there,
to kiss you Goodnight.
I wish I was there,
to hold you so tight.
I wish I was there,
to gaze into your face.
And wonder why angels,
have come to this place.
I wish I was there,
to talk all night long.
Or sit in the presence,
of the one that I love.
I wish I was there,
to tell you I care.
I wish I was there,
to tell you,
“You captured my heart”
And “You’ll always be there.”
(via lifeinanoldeenglish)
I have a hard time sharing my body. Maybe because I treat sex like it means something and not just a physical act. In a world full of egoistic attitudes that wins, being surrounded by males and a few roommates that just need to bust a nut before bed makes it difficult as well. I mean I get the urge to just get animalistic and tear that thing down but I don’t follow through. Perhaps having the effects of being isolated and rarely seeing my older male cousins and staying with my mom away from the male testosterone early on have something to do with it. Maybe the heartbreak scarred me more than I realize. It could be I got comfortable with the fit and until another lady comes and truly fucks my mind ill be emotionally invested in a way my body will allow me to want to go animalistic with her. Maybe it was the building of something great and I have not recovered. I think too much and don’t enjoy the moments because I’m always in my head. Things probably be different if I wasn’t trying to wine and dine looking to create the perfect moments I believe that lady would love, when she may very well like to cut to the chase and just get to the point like Marques Houston stated. I would like to be able to do that but I cannot not. Cannot lie to myself and pretend to be something I’m not. I could blame it on my Libra scales but that would be a lie. I guess I’m just programmed to respect a lady even when she handing me the panties with no effort on my part. It’s a turn off. Confident and ego stroker to say the least. Feeding the beast but I mean I don’t want it if it that easy like Pac stated. Maybe this isn’t a problem at all and I create the fear in my head that its wrong. I believe I’m just suppose to respect my body and watch who I sex because I do believe sex is a soul connection. Gotta be careful with what and who I let inside, even if she only want to be a one night or even a fling. In a way I’ve outgrown that, but I have not outgrown sexin any and everywhere if it with that lady. Crazy how someone can have a stranglehold over you even when you two stopped being intimate. In my world it just shows the respect, devotion, and daily commitment I made to stay true. It takes time but when its real, your body will sign off while you attempt to process it all up top. Lost many ladies because we didn’t have sex but loyal pussy is the best pussy. The ultimate ego stroker, confidence boaster. A connection is rare but when you know you know. Until then, I’ll just be patiently waiting, disregarding comments from the fellas who attempt to disrespect how how handle myself and relationships
