i>loveyou

Have you ever had thoughts in your mind that you could not get rid of no matter what you hear and what you see? That gut feeling that just keeps lingering on, no matter what happens… you have a feeling that it will happen anyway. You try and try and try to discard the thoughts, to get rid of them, but to no avail. What if there’s nothing that you can do about them? They’re thoughts… intangible, and just out of reach. You can’t tie them down, shoot them, throw em out, or just press “delete.”

At this point, the only description to this type of behavior is

self-destruction.

I gotta stop thinking.

MY BABY:

( I wanna be the reason u smile )

10:12 PM I wanna be the reason u keep smiling

i wanna teach u how to love and i wanna keep u loving me

10:13 PM just as much as i love u

( neva that )

I want u to trust me

i want u to mean that

10:14 PM I dont want to lose u

Sweet, like sugar.

The only thing always holding me back is PHYSICS.

-_________-

Happy Halloween tho! ;)

I have decided that I really like the fall season. Autumn. I think I just realized how beautiful the nature gets and how red and orange and yellow the leaves get.

Wonderful.

and it gets closer and closer to this

Which means this

And I can’t WAIT for that.

LIFE IS SHORTLIFE IS VERY SHORT, SO BREAK YOUR SILLY EGO, FORGIVE QUICKLY,

BELIEVE SLOWLY, LOVE TRULY, LAUGH LOUDLY AND NEVER AVOID ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU SMILE

WHEN I WOKE UP IN THE MORNING LYING IN BED, I WAS ASKING MYSELF:

WHAT ARE SOME OF THE SECRETS OF SUCCESS IN LIFE?

I FOUND THE ANSWER RIGHT THERE, IN MY VERY ROOM.

CARRY A HEART THAT NEVER HATESCARRY A SMILE THAT NEVER FADES

CARRY A TOUCH THAT NEVER HURTS

<3

There’s peppermint bark is in the stores! It’s getting closer and closer to Christmas!

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You’re stupid for always waiting around.

You’re stupid for not seeing things right in front of you.

You’re stupid for loving someone who loves someone else.

You’re stupid for thinking that people will actually do what they say.

You’re stupid for thinking that people mean what they say.

You’re stupid for alienating yourself from the rest of the beautiful world for one person.

You’re stupid for being blinded by love.

You’re stupid for not going out and staying in with that one person.

You’re stupid for putting him in front of everyone else.

You’re stupid for taking people for granted.

You’re stupid for putting him even before family.

You’re stupid for hoping.

You’re stupid for caring.

You’re stupid for caring and not acting like you care at all.

You’re stupid for thinking.

You’re stupid for dreaming.

You’re stupid for putting all of your energy into one thing.

You’re stupid for getting distracted.

You’re stupid for easily losing focus.

You’re stupid for going stupid.

He’s stupid,

for choosing her.

My first achievement worth mentioning in college! A 98 on my midterm exam for my Critical Thinking class. Out of the 45 student class, there were only 10 people who received grades of 90-99 in our class. That’s pretty good, right? 17 got 
B’s. No 100’s?

Ughh. Then, as the perfectionist I am, I got agitated at the two points that I could have gotten.

It’s all good though. that’s a pretty good score :)

Yay to  education.

I hate physics :)

=|

I strongly believe that each and every one of us has a path that is laid out before us.

The choice is ours, whatever we decide to pursue.

But what happens when you predict two distinct futures, and attaining one goal means losing something you cherish and love dearly? What are you supposed to do? Which one do you choose? It seems that every choice you make, you lose. It’s like those Goosebumps books where you have to choose an ending and there is no way out, no possible escape from those monsters…

Ugh.

What do you do?

I’m scared. I like things the way they are. And I don’t want anything to change. There’s only one thing I care about right now, the thing that I’m focused on the most. I’m not giving you up for anything.

This might seem a selfish thing to say on the surface, but you yourself should come before others.

They have a reason for telling you to secure yourself even before your child. How are you supposed to help others if you’re gone?

I swear, there’s something about this group<3 They put you in another place altogether.

You ever have this feeling like you’re empty? There’s no soul in your vacant body and nothing can quench that undying thirst? Have you ever thought to yourself, “What am I even on this earth for? What’s my true purpose on this forsaken planet, anyways?”

I’m just going to put it out there.

People need you. If not for your smarts, it’s to be a son or a daughter, to be a student, to be great whatever-you-want-to-be-in-the-future, (( to be frank, )) to populate the earth, to be a great parent one day if you choose to be, and to (( as cheesy as it sounds )) change the future. To be perfectly honest, we are the future. I’m not trying to make this a really moving or inspirational piece of writing, but perhaps just a thought provoking one. Many people wonder what their worth is, they wonder who they are and what they will become. Sadly, some even ponder and debate with themselves on the topic of whether or not anybody would miss them if they were gone. The truth is that everyone needs to be needed. There are many out there that need you, whether you choose to believe it or not. Maybe there isn’t any kind of logic to support that, but I for one, believe it to be true.

In high school, I took a Bible class with none other than Mr. Kellner. He taught us that there is a greater good out there. God. And I’m not going to turn this into a “You should totally convert” sort of journal, but there is a higher power out there. And He does need you. Among the most important lessons I learned in that class was that our sole purpose, our most important one to live by is to actually “Glorify God.” Yes, all you ‘09 graduates and older know what I am talking about! Seriously, think about it. In everything we do, there should be a reason for doing it. Why else is the earth in orbit? Why else do we exist if not for a higher purpose?

Anyways, that’s one explanation that makes a lot of sense to me.

When burdened with a lot of emotions and thoughts, one can always find peace in some words of the Bible.

Matthew 6:25 (New International Version)

Do Not Worry

25”Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?

That passage tells you not to worry about things that happen in your life. God will make it happen. It’s really in His hands.

Another thing that I noticed is that people really do worry about the things that they can’t control. I already posted this once before, but I don’t think it will hurt to go and post this another time. DO NOT WORRY ABOUT THE THINGS THAT YOU CAN NOT CONTROL, BUT TAKE GREAT FOCUS IN THE THINGS THAT YOU CAN CONTROL.

I Corinthians 10:13 

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

This is another passage that I’ve found quite useful and helpful. It lets you know that God would never actually give you a task that He believes you are not capable of fulfilling. You can take care of anything that gets thrown at you.

Ephesians: 2:8-10

8For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9not by works, so that no one can boast. 10For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

There it is. The light. There’s some sort of proof left by God that we are meant to represent Him. A gift is meant to be given. You don’t earn gifts and you don’t pay for them (unless you’re giving them). Our eternal model is Jesus Christ, right?

=////////////////////////

Alright, that just became a whole lot of Bible, but you get my point. Most of my logic comes from there. I just put it into layman’s terms. But, seriously. Whenever I need a new perspective, or I’m looking for a way out from all the stress and everything, I often turn to the Book. I find an immense peace from it. Sure, it might be hard to read at times, but once you understand it, it’s enlightening.

I strongly believe that there is a purpose and there’s a path that everyone takes. You are the one who makes the future, you’re the one who decides your own future, and you can even change the future if you want to. It’s in your hands. But when you are not sure that your hands are big enough, then just know that in the end, all your problems and stresses are in God’s hands. There’s nothing to worry about. Just go with the flow, and focus on what you can control. Whatever you can’t control just let it go and pray. Hope for the best. God listens, you know.

Oohhh, another question. Isn’t love supposed to give you this high feeling? Not this sort of emptiness or an unsatisfied space? I feel bad for people who are in love and still can’t figure out why they feel a certain way. How do you even feel empty when you know that someone needs you and someone loves you and they want to spend the rest of their lives with you? Haha, oh gosh. This brings me back to the lectures with Thay Khue. “What is the one thing that doesn’t cost money and can cure anything? Vitamin LOVE!”

So, if “Vitamin Love” is supposed to be this miracle drug, how come it’s not curing this horrible disease called Vacancy? How do we fix this epidemic? Does it have anything to do with lack of Faith? If you believe that you’re doing everything right, how are you supposed to change? How do you get better than your best?

My cousin and her boyfriend just recently broke up. My heart goes out to her, because anyone who knows anything about her relationship and her strength in this relationship knows that she took it very seriously and did all that she could to keep it alive. Sometimes, it’s just good to know that you tried, and that you shouldn’t have any kind of regret if you truly tried your best and gave it all you could.

Just please take this to heart and don’t give up hope. Don’t stop having that faith. And keep on being determined. Don’t give up.

If all else fails, just please remember,

“This too shall pass.” The hard times will get easier, and things will always work out in the end.

Sincerely,

M.

to be rooting for our astronomical economic issues within America, but these furlough days are pretty awesome. The thing is, teachers and professors love these “student holidays” because they can pile on all the homework and midterm studying. So here I am at home and I’m studying… English (an argumentative / position essay about capital punishment), Calculus (a homework assignment with 30 five-part problems), I got a Physics midterm in about a week or so… so I got to get studying, since I suck at Physics… on top of all that, I have to start working on some material for our Critical Thinking project and some research for our Asian American history class.

What’s helping me pass the time is thinking about Christmas though. Oooh, the possibilities. Tell me why I’m in love with that season… the cold weather, hot chocolate, peppermint bark, fireplaces, cuddling, knit caps, the Christmas carols…. Aaaaaahhhh, I can hardly wait. I already have tons of plans… what to do, where to go, what to buy (as if i don’t already have a list of things I have / am gonna get for you… puhhhh-leeeease), and I plan on working our wintery magic on every place we visit . I know, it’s not like there’s a lot of snow here, but we can make our own winter wonderland nonetheless. I can’t wait baby. All the places!! Cause all I want for Christmas isssss youuuuuuu. 

With love (and an uncontrollable excitement for the holiday season), M.

best. He’s super sweet. I love him.